Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I love having hate sex.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Randomize
