The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
