and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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