having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
