This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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