hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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