i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Mom said you looked used
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
