That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
