Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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