so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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