can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
