Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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