I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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