I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
