Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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