He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
