If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
