you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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