just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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