And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
