I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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