were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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