i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
