It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
