i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
