you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
