i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
