I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
