apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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