girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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