my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
