There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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