where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize