kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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