If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
