i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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