I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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