OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
