My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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