if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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