No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
