before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
