All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she woke up with a sticky ear
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
