I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
