so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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