Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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