I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
