Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
