Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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