I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
