shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
