there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
