if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
