We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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