Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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