I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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