There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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