his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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