Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
