i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
