And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Congratulations! We have a period
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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