I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
