so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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