help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I cut my penus on the lid.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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