I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How external is "for external use only"?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we're so committed to being not committed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
