that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
