Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
