remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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