Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
